The Pied Writer

Turn Off The Lights...and Light A Candle

Hey there my groovy fan. Or is it fans now? Are there two? Awesome...! Praise the Lord and pass the panties.

Anywho, enough about that. I'm writing today because I am totally and completely stuck. Writing those extra randy scenes is a tricky business.

My question to other writers: did you ever blush and giggle like a school girl while writing your sexy time scenes?

I sure do. I'm seriously sitting in front of my computer giggling like it's the first time I heard the word...dare I say it? Penis. He..hee...
Of course, that isn't the word I'm writing. The word I'm writing rhymes with...sock. I was told that my "bow, chick-a, bow-bow" scenes could use a little more heat. So, I'm trying to spice things up, you know, kick things up a notch like...BAM! But, in the back of my mind I'm thinking "What if people think I've done that?" or "What if people think I want to do that?".

My question to readers is: when you're reading do you ever wonder if the writer is really as freaky in the sack as her/his characters?

Again, I sure do. When I'm reading I can't help but think that I would trade lives with some of my favorite writers in a heartbeat if that's how life is for them. I'm far more likely to be the girl who thinks she's all sexy and throws her leg over her partner to straddle him but instead ends up falling off the bed. Or have you ever seen that Zoosk commercial where the online date goes horribly wrong and the man and woman run to each other only to smack right into each others faces? Yeah, that's more like me than I care to admit. Shh... Don't tell anybody.

So, how do you do it? How do you pull off a blush worthy, lock the doors for a few hours and turn down the lights love scene? And have you ever had a time in your life where instead of being the inner vixen you think you are you ended up being the bumbling Gilligan in bed? I'm looking for your best funny sexy time stories people.

Also, again, The Pied Writer is a day early, but what can I say...? When you feel it you just...gotta write. Please continue below to where I've included the infamous commercial that mimics my love life.