The Pied Writer

I. Just. Can’t. Do It. Captain…. I don’t Have The Power…

Why, hell-looo fans of the Pied Writer. I know what you’re thinking, “Today’s not Wednesday its Tuesday.” And, thanks to Rebecca Black, we’ll all forever know exactly what day of the week it is.

Please God don’t let it be…“’Friday…Friday. Gotta get up on, Friday…’”

This is a special edition of The Pied Writer. I figured you all deserved one given the fact that I’ve been slacking on my pimping lately.

N-E-Wayz—hey, check my spelling? And I fancy myself a writer. He-he.—today I’m talking about brain farts. We all have them, those times when the words are on the tip of your tongue, but you just can’t get them out. Or, better yet, those times when you’re literally mid-sentence and totally forget what you were writing, or God forbid, saying.

It happened to me when I was in college. I’ll tell the story really quick just as an example to get you thinking. So, I’m in my first year of college, taking the most boring—and shockingly interesting—class ever created, Philosophy. Everyone’s sitting there with this I-have-no-idea-what’s-going-on face permanently tattooed in place and then the professor asks about the allegory of the cave—or something like that, it was a while ago, sue me. While you could actually hear the cobwebs building in my classmates’ minds, my toasted almond mug lit up brighter than the fireworks finale on the 4^th of July.

I understood the allegory of the cave. Shit, let’s be real for a minute, I understood the word, allegory. I was pumped. I put my hand up all excited and shit, the professor looked just as shocked as I was that I actually retained any knowledge in that class, he calls on me and…BAM! It slipped out, a brain fart.

Awk-ward!

My once excitement filled, intellect sparkling eyes turned instantly vacant, like someone blew out the candle, the electric company turned out the lights. It’s was like a bug being zapped in a bug zapper. The thought that would catapult me from mediocrity to genius flickered out. All I could do is sit there staring and stutter an unintelligible…”I-I d-don’t know.” It’s also happened to me while writing too. I think I’m writing a break out scene or some bomb ass dialogue only to be struck tongue tied and brain dead at the most inopportune moment.

I now, literally, have to carry a notepad and pen everywhere I go to be able to catch every stray “nugget of greatest”—as I like to call them. I’ve also found the voice note app on my Blackberry to be very helpful. To catch a falling nugget in the car, rather than get in an accident trying to write it down, I press record and just start talking and write it later.

Okay, so, this is the part of the program where I ask for audience participation. I’m curious to hear your stories and how you overcame such an occasion where your brain takes an unexpected holiday. Has this ever happened to anyone in any way, shape, or form? C’mon, great minds want to know…or, I guess, stilted minds want to know.

Until next time…That’s all she wrote,

The Pied Piper